Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
