I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
