the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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