The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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