I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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