At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
