from now on my penis is your penis
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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