I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
