I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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