Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
