I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
