maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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