need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're so nebulous sometimes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize