Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
