My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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