Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm really busy with my period
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