i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
