Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
