No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
