Where is the hickey?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
