): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
