I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
