I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
