Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
