you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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