I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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