I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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