oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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