also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
