Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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