She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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