My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
