Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
