MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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