Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
