Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
