Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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