I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
