i need an iv and a liver transplant
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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