The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
