Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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