I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
