I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
