Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
