It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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