This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
