no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
