i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
