So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
