You can't motorboat a personality
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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