I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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