If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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