Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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