First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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