I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize