I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
