Already got asked if we're dating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
