Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
