I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
