i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
