Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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