stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
