FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
