She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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