she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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