I'm going to jail i love you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
