Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
