Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
