He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
