I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
