worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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