ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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