The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Operation Purity has been aborted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
