Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
