I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
