we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
