The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
